


Steve's Shirt

by CowandCalf



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Danny has a epiphany, Danny needs clarity, First Kiss, I don't know what other tags are needed, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, So much emotion, Some angst, Steve and Danny are made for each other, Steve's Shirt plays a main role, both guys are overwhelmed, first making out, it's all about love, love rules the world, mcdanno, takes place after 8.11, there's a point of no return
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 05:21:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13264566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CowandCalf/pseuds/CowandCalf
Summary: Danny had faced death twice within a short amount of time. Both times he had survived. His scar from his heart operation still feels sore. There is this one morning, some days after New Year's Eve, where Danny spots a crumpled shirt from Steve in his office, lying over the backrest of Steve's chair. Right there and then it hits him like the proverbial brick to the face. Danny doesn't want to hide anymore. He needs to talk to Steve because he wants to tell him everything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N**  
>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own or profit form anything on this show but I do claim any plot points.
> 
> I always get very emotional when something old ends and something new gets born. I don't like to say goodbye. It makes me sad, melancholic and I always tear-up out of no reason. The days between the old and the new year are always special and I get nostalgic.
> 
> I watched "Moonlight" with Alex o'Loughlin and I fell so hard for this young Alex and the way he plays Mick St. John. Every now and then there is Steve McGarrett clearly visible and he shines through, at least with my fangirl goggles on. There was a scene with Beth, where she finds a shirt from Mick, hanging over the chair and she takes it and buries her nose in it. That was the moment I got the idea for this story.
> 
> And at the moment I can't watch earlier Hawaii Five-O seasons with a young, reckless Steve and a young, badass Danny without getting so emotional. It overwhelms me how time flys and moments are gone forever.
> 
>  _Jesus._ Honestly, guys, this is just me, being super cheesy, super romantic and super not ready to step into the very young 2018. Just because...sometimes I don't want things to change.
> 
>  **This story is beta read.**  
>  My awesomesauce, sweet bestie in the westie [indiepjones46](http://archiveofourown.org/users/indiepjones46/pseuds/indiepjones46) made the great beta work and the proofread on my story.  
> Thank you so much, Indie for this incredible and fantastic job next to your own story, that you're writing. It always means to world to me to know that you take care of my stories. I love the way you help me to get better in my creativity. Thank you for your valuable support and your never-ending love and your cheerleading.  
> A shout out to my soul sister indiepjones46 and her badass story [Fade To Black](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13134687/chapters/30045036) she currently writes for the fandom The Punisher (TV 2017). If you love Marvel and the character of Frank Castle and Karen Page you will love her story.
> 
> A special thanks goes to [HawaiiThunder](http://archiveofourown.org/users/HawaiiThunder/profile). He used such a great pet name for Danny in one of his comments on my last story. He kindly said yes after my request to use it in on of my next stories. The credit for this gorgeous pet name Steve gives Danny in chapter 2 goes to HawaiiThunder. Thank you so much, my sweet friend!
> 
> And another big thanks goes to all of you guys, for dropping by and reading my story. I love you all!
> 
> I hope you like it.

Steve's shirt is to blame for Danny's insight. This sudden epiphany that detonates in his mind the moment his attention is called to the sight of Steve's shirt hanging over the backrest of his chair. It's an ordinary Tuesday at their HQ a few days after New Year's Eve, and it's atypically quiet.

Maybe because of the lack of action in his workday, Danny has enough time to dwell on this strange sensation when his eyes sweep through Steve's office to check if he's in. That's the moment he briefly takes notice of this piece of fabric lying crumpled over Steve's chair. It's nothing uncommon to see Steve change into a new shirt during a day, being the bossman of Five-0. Danny is also well aware of the never-ending supply of plain black and blue tee shirts in Steve's chest of drawers. Until this day, Danny has never asked himself who takes them home and who washes them.  
It's actually a silly question, because what the fuck does he care who gets Steve's laundry done? This is private, this is not his business, and as far as Danny knows, Steve's a decent homemaker and totally capable of doing laundry by the book.

But this damp and sweaty ball of cotton, which seems to feed on Danny's attention like bees on nectar, isn't just a simple shirt. It's a button-down dress shirt, light blue with pockets on each side at the front, and the sleeves are still rolled back. Steve hasn't even taken the time to get out of the shirt properly. Danny is well aware of the fact that Steve likes to wear button-down shirts in different, restrained colors: navy blue, fir-tree green, all shades of grey, he even wears black, looking smoking hot in this color. There are light blue colored shirts like azure and different levels of green and brown even, but never shrill and patterned, though. This shirt also makes Danny realize that Steve has stopped wearing plain tee shirts. He can't remember seeing Steve being dressed in a simple shirt at work. And why is this actually important?

Danny is mildly astounded how all these thoughts rush through is mind under one second. One moment, he checks if Steve's in his office, and the next moment, he pushes the door open to circle Steve's desk to get near the shirt. Danny places the files he holds in his hands on Steve's table before he reaches out and grabs the soft material with one hand.

He resists the sudden urge to sniff at Steve's shirt, to inhale his scent and to press his face into the blue material. He lifts his head and shortly checks if someone is watching him, but it’s all clear. Tani is running an errand and has left with the promise to bring coffee and malasadas, Junior has taken the day off, Jerry is in his office writing reports, and Steve--Danny has no clue where Steve is and why he had been changing his shirt.

Danny turns on his heel with determination as he holds on to Steve's dirty shirt. He makes a beeline back for his office and stuffs the fabric into his bag. He looks at the wad of fabric mixed with his own things and it feels so normal that he’s just decided, standing in Steve's office, to take his boss's shirt home with the intention to wash it. Steve would have forgotten about his piece of clothing by now, and Danny is going to put it back on his table after it's cleaned nicely. Does he need to explain such a funny act? Danny slowly exhales. The time to hide is over. Danny doesn't want to pretend anymore. He's so tired of fighting what wants to be in the open for eight long years now.

Danny still feels this difficult emotion in his chest. It's still there as plain and strong as the first ray of sunshine at dawn. He has named those feelings a long time ago and he has learned to live with them. But until this day, Danny hasn't gotten used to this physical proof of his longing, as if someone pulls too hard at a string, jerking at his heart behind his breastbone. In a very sappy moment, supported by too many beers, Danny had had this vision of this band, that almost seems to be a netting, which ties Danny's and Steve's souls together. This network is attached to their hearts. Every time either Steve or Danny puts too much space between them, or even if it happens that they veer away from each other, at the end this distance, mentally or physically, puts a strain on this netting and Danny feels this pull in his chest.

It has taken some years but he has been able to turn down the level of the want and the connected ache a few notches. After Catherine dumped Steve, Danny had severe problems to get his yearning under control, because Steve was a free man again. It had been the chance he had been waiting for for so long. Danny's focus had been fixed on supporting Steve through his loss, and Danny had used every trick to keep Steve entertained. He had been so sure that Steve was mere inches away to fall into a heavy depression because Danny knew how much Steve actually loved Catherine and had been dreaming of his own family and happy ending.  
And then Lynn appeared on the stage, and Danny saw Steve smiling again, and for the sake of Steve's happiness, he stomped on the brakes of his feelings and squashed them again entirely.

Danny is still devastated about the proof that Steve's a straight guy. He had hoped for a sign. He’d even been ready to serve as a rebound if Steve needed that, but there had been nothing but this calm strength and Steve's brave face after Catherine left him for good. So Danny is trying ever since to make peace with his love and his desire he feels for Steve. 

But then this stupid shirt has to hang so innocently over Steve's chair, a tease for Danny's heart, to lure him in and he just hasn't been able to resist. It foils his plans to bury all his feelings. Danny craves intimacy with Steve, and a used, dirty shirt right off Steve's body is more than intimate and stimulates his yearning at least a bit. It hits him again, like all these years ago, hits Danny like a fucking brick wall. His love for Steve. This force of nature which is pressed up against the walls of his soul. Danny has been able to hide it and to keep up this charade to be the cranky, always grouchy guy who enjoys to complain and to never be satisfied with whatever Steve tries to come up with. It has been the only way to get Steve upset and to keep him at an arm's length.

Danny knows since years that he loves Steve. It has never been only a crush, it has never been only about the sex and Steve's seductive, incredibly hot body. His feelings have never felt like a nice substitute because it's handy out of the simple reason that no one else is around. 

No. Not at all.

It's this love you only read about in books. This love everyone wishes to meet, to finally have this other person standing in front of you, only to realize you have finally reached the finish line. Danny had never wished for such a boon to find this one true love because life had taught him too many times that he had been lucky enough. Life gifted him with two gorgeous kids and a well-paying job that he enjoys most of the time. That's more than he had been hoping for. Danny had never dreamed about this one love that stops the world from turning when you meet that person, simply because he thinks he's not that lucky and why should life look out for him in this special way?

And then he had to meet Steve.

Steve is a force of nature, a freight train, and Danny hasn't been able to withstand this power. Steve took his heart the moment his cocky, arrogant behavior had made him the leader of the crime scene that day in Steve's own garage.

In the beginning, it had been a crescendo of such intensity that Danny had been afraid his very soul would be altered by his love for Steve. He had been on drugs mixed by his own hormones that had lasted for weeks until he had been able to think straight again. Danny had waited for this crazy trip to stop, that all the freaking insanely-strong emotions start to subside. But this hadn't happened. His love for Steve had grown from day one and was now like a network of roots under his feet reaching far into the earth, leaving him with no hope of ever escaping again. 

His love for Steve is strong, like stupidly everlasting, and Danny chastises himself for being so cheesy.

And Danny was stupid enough to never let it show in this special way. He had been too shy to ever make a move on Steve, at any rate. He had been successful in suppressing his feelings. There hadn't been any peak or any other dangerous eruption of his well-hidden treasure. Until this recent incident, it was more this chain of stupid fucked up incidents.

First of all, his whole team had almost died on that stupid boat. Danny had made his peace, and honest to god, he had been so ready to leave this earth for good. His kids were safe with Rachel, and he had felt this creepy silence in his soul because Steve had been on the ship, too. Danny had known that Steve was going to die right with him not leaving his side, and this knowledge had made everything else comforting, funnily enough. That was all that Danny had needed. He had given up fighting for life. He wasn't ashamed in the slightest by this summary of his thoughts.

Okay, but life had had other plans. They’d been rescued. The order from the disease control center had been six fucking days in a closed wing of the biohazard department for quarantine. Danny had been locked up with Steve in small rooms: hearing him showering, flushing the toilet, seeing his clothes lying around everywhere, _sharing a room_ with him...this had been a fucking trip to hell with no way of an emergency exit. And then this stupid idiot had to shave his head, and Danny had been so happy to snap at him. He had been seconds away to keel over sitting there playing cards with Tani and Junior. 

Danny had had a terrible fall-back into this heat of a freaking supernova of his strong love that his heart and his soul created for Steve. He hardly kept himself together and the moment he thought the pressure couldn't get any worse, and his heart was going to combust any second in his chest, there was this idiot standing there and shot him right in the chest and _missed his heart_. Fuck life, honestly! What's wrong with people?

Danny doesn't remember much from this terrible adventure. But Steve's voice still accompanies him during his dreams, calling out for him, urging him on to stay with him. And Danny listens, follows Steve's voice, and like a bat, he hears all the messages between the understandable frequency.  
During the time Danny hovered between black bliss and painful consciousness, he couldn’t ignore this insistently pulling at his heart. There had been a code transmitted over the invisible line which connected his heart with Steve's, and Danny had been listening to this morse code coming through from the love Steve felt for Danny.

Danny snapped right back on the table with Steve pressing a towel to his bloody entrance wound. He remembered all the vivid hallucinations about his future and his kids....and Steve.

His first reaction towards Steve, who for crying out loud had saved his life once more, was of course ungrateful. Danny acted pissed to the fact of how Steve treated his wound with unwashed hands. Steve killed him with his look as if he didn't understand why Danny always pushed him away. But Danny had to go on living his life, seeing Steve on a daily basis, and right this moment, Danny wasn't sure he would come up with enough strength to do that.

He remembered the pact he had made with his heart. Because Danny had had the chance to die twice, and out of an unknown reason it hadn't been his time, but neither had it been Steve's way to leave this earth and Danny for good. This had to be a fucking sign, right? 

Danny sharply inhales, well aware of the fact that he still stands motionless in his office, lost in thoughts, as if in a trance while staring down at Steve's shirt.  
Danny plans to tell Steve how he's feeling, how much he loves him, and how much it hurts him to see him every day. He's not afraid of Steve's reaction anymore, but he wants this chance to confess his love for Steve. Because it's so fierce and unique, and it needs to be shared. After this revelation, Danny guesses he has to look for a new job. He has no idea what's going to happen after that.  
Deciding to act on an idea is much easier than to actually put it into action. Danny struggles to find the right moment.

Christmas is over now. It had been wonderful days as always, and Steve had almost made him lose his mind by sneaking into his house late Christmas Eve and eating Santa's cookies. Danny had been so flabbergasted that he had been happy to bark at Steve and to act really annoyed. Steve had smelled like home. The wish to touch Steve, to lean in and to press a kiss to his cheek, which had been bulging because Steve was a cookie monster, had been so intense that it had made him bite the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. It had been a perfect opportunity to spill the beans, but Danny had chickened out. 

New Year's Eve had been the worst, and it hadn't been easy ever since. They decided to celebrate. So in the end, they landed in a VIP lounge in one of Hawaii's biggest and fanciest clubs. Steve brought Lynn along, and Danny arrived with Melissa. Kono was making out with Adam, because she was visiting for the celebrations, and they hadn’t seen each other for a long time. All the rest from their ohana were sitting around laughing, telling jokes, and enjoying the mood of New Year's Eve. Tani and Junior were flirting a lot, and Danny tried to behave like the good boyfriend he was supposed to be. 

Danny could still feel the stares Steve shot him over the table during dinner. Danny tried to avoid looking at Steve. He had to admit he hated to see Lynn all over his guy. Danny could hardly eat. The jealousy sat hot and ugly in his stomach. He couldn’t stand Melissa's touches, either. The only reason he hadn’t broken up with her before New Year's Eve was that it would be cruel. But Danny knew he was being stupid. It was just as bad to pretend and not mean it, so he betrayed Melissa with feelings that weren’t there. He thought he’d earned all the pain because he was an asshole, but Danny wasn’t ready to see his world shatter to pieces. He had hesitated for eight long years, and old habits die hard. But if he wanted to be honest with his feelings for Steve, he had to be fair to Melissa, too.

It had been a bad decision to sit in the comfy, soft chairs and couches in the VIP lounge. Steve had made it clear that he wouldn’t accept any more backing off from Danny. Steve flopped right next to him into the cushions. Lynn and Melissa had exchanged many giggled sentences by leaning over both Steve's and Danny's lap to whisper into each other's ears. Danny had grown unnerved and told Melissa to sit next to Lynn, which resulted in Steve pressing up along his body. Steve had even stretched out one arm over the backrest behind Danny's neck. But the closeness had been too overwhelming for Danny, and he hadn’t been able to enjoy it. Yes, they had all been more than tipsy, and yes, it was New Year's Eve, but Danny was so fed up with living this lie for such a long time.

Danny had ended up in the parking lot with a crying Melissa in his arms. He broke up with her over the countdown and the cheering of the crowd. He wanted to end the lie between them, so he paid a taxi driver to take her home safely.

Danny had only noticed Steve when his arm hugged his shoulders.

_"Happy New Year, Danny. What’s going on?"_

_"I ended a lie." Danny didn’t wrap his arms around Steve's waist. "Happy New Year to you, too, Steve."_

_"Do you need a drink?" Steve asked him._

_Steve had always been there for him when Danny wasn’t strong enough. With a sigh, he turned his body to Steve, but before Danny could say a word, Steve pulled him against his chest. Danny sank into the comforting heat of Steve's body._

_"Come on Babe, I'll by us a drink." Steve said as he pulled Danny back to the bar._

Steve had steered him back inside the club where the party had only started. Danny had been astonished to know that Steve had abandoned Lynn for the countdown to look for Danny. They’d ended the night drinking together at the bar, laughing, and fucking flirting with each other. Danny hadn’t seen Lynn anymore, either. He hadn’t asked, and he had happily obliged when Steve had forced him to dance.

All this had happened some days ago. The mood is lighter now between him and Steve, but Danny is still scared to really open up to him. Maybe it's an age thing. If you're getting older, it's not so important anymore to act super fast on things. Sometimes, you even don't want to change the tiniest bit, and you’ve learned to live with emotional pain. It's part of being an adult and experiencing so many different things. Although Steve's behavior during New Year's Eve gives Danny hope.

Danny stares back at Steve's shirt in his bag. This piece of fabric is like the key to an encoded part of his heart. Danny knows it's easy. He loves Steve, he wants to spend the rest of his life with him, and he is going to tell him soon because Steve's used shirt tells him all he needs to know. It seems amazing to him that a plain shirt could be the catalyst for him to finally make a move. Wanting to take the shirt home in order to bury his face in it before washing its says everything about his love for Steve. Danny wouldn't make it one day as a mailbox counselor for heartache problems in a gossip magazine. Danny sighs in fake despair.

Danny jumps and squalls embarrassingly loud when Steve tears into his thoughts by walking into his office.

"Danny, what are you doing? I've been watching you now for over a minute, and you’re just staring down into your bag. Are you watching TV on your phone or something?" Steve looks him right in the eye. "You screamed, by the way." He answers with a smug smirk.

"Damn it, Steve, you almost gave me a heart attack." Danny clutches his chest with one hand.

"That's not funny, Danny. Stop these kinds of jokes. I'm not ready yet to hear them." Steve's face falls into a stoic mask.

"Sorry, sorry, Steve. I didn't mean to hurt you. But honestly, knock next time, okay? Give a guy some time to notice you." Danny walks over to Steve. "What do you mean you were watching me for over a minute ?" Danny lifts one eyebrow in a mocking way.

"You were so lost in thought, and man, your face, what were you thinking? You furrowed your forehead, you smiled, you even grinned, and then you closed your eyes and you ran your hand over your face. What's up, Danny? Do you have doubts about Melissa and how you ended your relationship?" Steve's voice changes to a lower tone.

"Melissa? Who is Melissa? Of course not, no, I wasn't thinking about her at all. And it's okay the way it is. I wasn't fair to her. I never told her that I loved her. She’ll find someone who really cares for her." Danny eyes Steve's shirt. Soft cotton looks already rumpled as if Steve has stashed it in one of his drawers or maybe he has put it in the dryer because he’d been too lazy to hang it on the clothesline. It's a dark grey that matches his salt and pepper stubbles perfectly. "I like your shirt." Danny touches it shortly with his fingertips.

Steve grins when he hears Danny's comment about Melissa. The moment Danny touches the fabric of his shirt, Steve clears his throat. "Thank you, and, uhm...have you seen my other shirt, the one hanging over my chair? I can’t find it." Steve's thumb pointed over his shoulder into the direction of his office, looking awkwardly timid.

"Yeah, I took it and put it into my bag. That's what I was looking at the whole time while you were observing me so shamelessly." Danny's heartbeat tells him that he has just made the first step on his trip of honesty and revelation.

"You took my shirt? Why would you do that?" Steve’s arms fall to his sides.

"Your office isn’t a changing room, Steve. How’s it going to look when someone walks in and sees your dirty laundry all over the place? So, yeah, I took it." Danny steps forward and pushes the door open. "Is Tani already back with her promised breakfast surprise? And where have you been by the way?" Danny holds the door open and signs for Steve to follow him.

"Ah...yeah, Tani is back. That's why I came over here. And I’ve been at Kamekona's for coffee with Adam." Steve waits in the door almost pressed up against Danny. His eyes are big, and Danny sees the hope glimmering behind his pupils. "What are you going to do with my shirt? Do I get it back? I’ve been changing into new shirts since we started Five-0, and so far, you've never told me not to change in my office. Are you sure nothing else is going on?" Steve presses his hand to the glass door above Danny's head to open it wider.

"I'm going to wash it, idiot. And yes, you will get it back. Come by my place tonight around eight o'clock. Would that be good for you?" Danny ignores the soft dumbfounded expression on Steve's face. "Because you're right. There is something going on, and you need answers, so you will get them." Danny angles to duck under Steve's arm to get out of his office.

"Danny, just wait a moment. What answers? Should I be worried? What's wrong with you? Why...I don't understand. What's gotten into you? Why would you want to wash my shirt?" Steve laughs, half surprised/half shocked. "I hate when you do that, Danno. I'm going to be worried until tonight. Could you give me a least a hint?" Steve sounds doubtful. So far, Danny knows such kind of announcements coming from him has always meant bad news.

"It's going to be fine, Steve. Believe me, no bad news. Just good stuff." Danny forces himself to wink at Steve and to encourage him with a bright smile. He pulls him along, hugging his elbow with his fingers. "Let's have some breakfast. C'mon, Babe. What did Adam say? Where is Kono? Tell me some cheesy stuff from the guys. Are they going to be okay?"

Steve's worried look and the sadness he tries to hide cut into Danny's heart. He can't start with his declaration of love here in the middle of work. He doesn't know how Steve is going to react. Danny doesn't plan to cry or behave stupidly. But he may need a minute, and Steve may want a time-out after he confesses his deep love for Steve. Danny doesn't know if this is going to be good news or a big shock for Steve. Danny is nervous as hell, too, but he also looks forward to finally coming forward and letting Steve know about his love that he feels for him for eight long years now.

"Don't worry, Steve. Everything's going to be fine. I promise." Danny smiles with encouragement at him, and he's more than relaxed when Steve follows him willingly and seems to just let it roll. Danny devours the feeling of trust Steve has just presented him. Danny's touched, and he needs two large gulps from his all too sweet coffee to calm his nerves.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve tries one more time to draw information from Danny, but with no real success. This task is too important for Danny to discuss it in between their offices, and anyway, Danny doesn't want any other person to eavesdrop. This is something that he only wants to discuss in private and with the possibility to give each reaction from Steve the space that is needed and necessary.

Danny goes home early. After he decides to be honest with Steve, Danny isn't able to concentrate anymore. His heart beats in his throat, and he rehearses his speech on repeat in his mind. On the way home, he honestly considers taking notes but dismisses this idea the moment it forms in his head. He wants to speak the words the way they come out straight from his heart.

His house is quiet. Grace and Charlie aren't at his place until the weekend. Danny welcomes the peace and the silence. He feels shaken because he finally admits the fact that Steve McGarrett is the love of his life. The thought of these words is forceful, and Danny senses how all the suppressed feelings increase out of the simple fact that Danny allows them to be.

It's five o'clock in the afternoon, and Danny has some hours until Steve arrives. He carries his bag straight to his bedroom and opens it to pull Steve's shirt out. He's alone now, and no snoopy eyes can catch him doing a very private act. Danny places his bag on the floor. He doesn't even bother to change into comfortable sweatpants and a simple shirt. He doesn't want to lose any precious time. He unfolds Steve's shirt with both hands and holds it up to look at it from a close angle. In front of his inner eye, he sees Steve wearing the shirt. He knows exactly which parts snug tight around Steve's well-trained, muscular torso. The creases in the rolled up sleeves show that Steve was sweating and that he even pushed them further back to his upper arms. Danny smells the hint of the sandalwood-scented cologne Steve uses every day. Danny loves this scent.

Danny is so used to the fact that he has kept his love for Steve locked away for years, and he needs to find a way to undo this lock now. He is afraid to let go, but Steve's shirt acts like a bridge to another word. It's the key to his inner, iron walls which stem against this force of nature. Danny feels this crack in his fortress as he slowly lowers his face and brings Steve's used shirt closer. His heart rabbits in his chest, and he knows he's alone, and it's okay to cry. He's unable to hold back the tears. The moment his face touches the fabric that was wrapped around Steve's body, and Danny finally inhales Steve's scent with all his consciousness, the tide hits the walls and Danny breaks.

Danny gives in. He doesn't fight this terrible pain of his unfolding love that licks into every corner of his soul and his body. He takes his time, and he isn't ashamed of the sobs and all the pathetic whimpers that escape his throat. Danny cries for all that is lost over the last eight years. He cries because love aches and love heals, and he doesn't understand how he could torture himself by denying this one big unique love. He cries about the fact that it takes years and coming to an age where he finally understands and accepts facts that no one can change anymore.

He buries his face several times in Steve's shirt. His eyes are swollen and red, and he has to sniff back his snot. He must look awful, but he doesn't care. He embraces this moment and this honesty which he allows himself to finally feel. He's aware of this intense love he has for Steve. Until now, Danny had observed his feelings like a foreign species in a glass container. He hadn't had the strength to interact with them. 

Danny closes his eyes and lies back on the bed. He scoots up a little until his legs are outstretched. His breath shudders a few times and he clears his throat. He drapes Steve’s extremely wrinkled shirt over his chest and hugs it. He just lies there, listening to his calming heartbeat, and feels the intense emotions in his chest which aren't that stinging anymore. After some time, he checks the clock and sees that an hour has passed. Danny needs to get up. He wants to shower, and he also has planned to wash Steve's shirt, and maybe it dries fast enough so Steve can take it home tonight.

Before Danny gets up from the bed, he kisses Steve's shirt one more time. He feels much better now, more prepared, and convinced that he won't tear up when he will confess to Steve. Danny is a very emotional person, and he really hopes he can pull himself together. He's not sure why, but Danny is convinced that Steve loves him, too, but not in this way, where longing consumes him and being apart is only painful. Danny is positive that he’s not the love of Steve's life. Somehow, Danny knows he will get over this tragedy. Life has to go on. He needs clarity, and he wants to be fair with Steve, but Danny isn't sure if he'll be able to work by Steve's side once he confesses his love to him.

Danny still sits on the edge of the mattress lost in thoughts, hugging Steve's shirt with both hands, nuzzling his face every now and then into the fabric.  
He watched a movie recently. "Burnt" was the title, with Bradley Cooper and Daniel Brühl. Danny feels like the hotel manager in this movie, Tony. He's madly in love with Adam, the chef, but this love is unrequited, and Danny is still churned up about the fact that Tony tells Adam that he loves him so much, and Adam can't help to ease Tony's pain, because he doesn't love Tony back. 

Danny feels like Tony who is doomed to work and live next to his one big love without ever getting a chance to live it. This still shakes him and gives him the chills. He’s pretty sure that's how his situation with Steve is going to work out, too.

With a final movement, he wipes the last tears away and stands up. Before he undresses, he puts Steve's shirt in the washer. Danny feels unburdened and ready for him. He has enough time to take a hot shower, to dress up nicely, and to eat a snack before Steve's arrival. Steve might even be in the mood to go out and to grab a bite after their talk, but Danny doesn't prepare any dinner. He doesn't feel that hungry at all, and he's not sure how Steve's appetite will be after their talk.

It's eight o'clock sharp when Danny hears Steve knocking. He doesn't even hesitate. With a few determined strides, he's at the door and pulls it open with a soft whooshing sound.

"Hi, Steve. Thanks a lot for coming." Danny stands in the open entrance and tries to calm his heartbeat. Steve looks nervous and so gorgeous at the same time. Danny is sure Steve has no idea how big his eyes can be when he silently begs and tries to hide how lost he feels.

"Hey, Danny." Steve's voice has this undertone which shows that he expects bad news. He looks composed and ready for any blow Danny has prepared, but he can't fool Danny. Steve's stomach must be in the same tight knots as Danny's. Both are antsy, and their strained nerves show in their almost cheerful politeness.

"Come in, Steve. I won’t offer you a beer. We’ll get to that later. Because, - I really need to get something off my chest, okay?" Danny steps aside to let Steve enter his house.

"Yeah, I know. You informed me about that. I really hate when you do that. Is it about the restaurant? Do you want to back out? Is it too much for you?" Steve enters Danny's house, crosses the living room, and leans against the couch. His facial expression is stressed, and Danny feels sorry to put Steve through such uneasiness.

"No, it's not about the restaurant, not at all. I like this project, and I love to work together there with you. Oh, wait a moment...I need to get your shirt first." Danny hastily turns, because he has totally forgotten to bring Steve's washed shirt with him. It still lies on his bed.

Steve is close on his heels, not leaving his side. Danny hasn't planned for them being in his bedroom suddenly!

"See, that's the other thing that bugs me. My shirt that you snatched off my chair from my office. This is also a riddle I can't solve. Are you going to explain why you took it, and even washed it? You’ve never done that before." Steve follows him right into his bedroom, and out of the corner of his eyes, Danny's sees Steve talking with his hands. This only happens when he's about to lose it, and it only happens when he's together with Danny. Danny inhales, heaving his shoulders, and tries to relax a bit. This is not going to be easy at all.

Danny grabs the shirt from the covers, turning to walk back to the living room wanting to escape this intimacy of his bedroom, and almost bumps into Steve's frame. 

"Steve, you’ll get your answers in a short moment. Can we go back into the living room and sit on the couch, please?" Danny doesn't dare to look, Steve, averting his eyes. He's so freaking nervous and afraid that Steve's eyes mirror his own fear and exasperation. He feels the throbbing of his heart in his ears, and he almost can't inhale enough air.

"You're nervous, Danny. You’re scaring me. Are you sick? Did something happen with your heart during the operation? Talk to me, Danny! Please." Steve grabs Danny's upper arm and forces him to look at him closely. "And no, we’re going to discuss this right here, right now. I don't want to wait anymore. Just...give me some answers, Danny. I can't think straight anymore, and I really despise that I don't know what _the hell_ is going on. Don't put me on the rack any longer. I can't handle it. Please, Danny." Steve's voice is thick and he swallows visibly.

"Sit down, Steve. And no, I'm not sick, and everything is fine with my heart. I'm healthy. It's also not about the kids, Grace or Charlie, either." Danny lowers his body carefully and sits on the bed. He clutches the shirt to his chest unaware of holding on to it as if it is his lifeline.

Steve falls back heavily. He slumps on the bed, exhales his breath audibly, runs his hands shortly over his face, and ends with his hands hanging loosely between his spread legs, elbows propped up on his knees. Steve hangs his head low and he studies the floor. Danny can tell this is a very bad sign.

"I, - it's not easy to start, although I rehearsed." Danny chuckles embarrassingly to hide his nerves. 

"Don't...I can't take anymore, Danny. Out with it." Steve commands in a flat tone.

"Yeah, you have a right to know. I’ll start with your shirt. Actually, the events from the last few weeks broke me in a way, and I can't hide anymore. I almost died twice, and life pulled me back every fucking time. I just can't pretend anymore, Steve..." Danny pauses and flattens the fabric of the shirt on his lap.

"If you want to give me a stroke, you're doing a great job, Babe." Steve voice trembles. "Are you trying to tell me that you want to die? Is that it? Do you want to end your life?" Steve sniffs so silently, but Danny hears it anyway.

"Would you just shut up for one damn minute? It's difficult to find the right words. There are none for that, so give me some fucking slack here and don't interrupt me all the time. _Please?_ " Danny fidgets with the collar of Steve's shirt. He's well aware of the side glances Steve shoots him from time to time, but he's only watching his nervous fingers dancing over Steve's shirt.

Steve snorts as if he's relieved. "There we go again. I almost missed that part of you, the angry cupcake. I was wondering where you were hiding this side. It's good to know I still can make you mad. So, not all is lost." Steve's smile shines through his words. They don't look at each other, that would be too much to bear. Their bodies don't touch at any spot, either, but they sit very close only inches away, but still keeping a distance.

"I'm an angry cupcake? Is this a new pet name? Should I like it?" Danny huffs, gaining time.

"Danny..." Steve's tired, exhausted voice is like a blow to Danny's sore heart.

"Sorry..." Danny whispers and he steels himself because it's now or never. "I almost died twice, and this made me realize a lot. I finally see the bigger picture. I'm also getting older, and reaching a certain age helps to come clean with lies. After my heart operation, I don't want to hide anymore, and I want to be honest with you. Finding your shirt, a used one that you were wearing moments ago discarded thoughtlessly in your office, was the last trigger I needed."

Danny hears Steve breathing, controlled and uneven. His hands are clasped together, his knuckles white. "I'm still lost in the dark, and you’re not making any sense to me. I’m still waiting for your final shot." Danny knows Steve is moments away from keeling over.

"I never thought I'd meet the love of my life at any time in this life, here and now. I never looked for it, I never wanted it, because what if you're not allowed to spend the rest of your days with the person you love the most? What if it isn't meant to be, and you have to suffer only loss and heartache? I hate that." Danny swallows the tears. He knows he can't do it without crying, so be it.

"Danny, you’re driving me _nuts_. Why...can't you just get to the fucking point? Are you trying to tell me that my shirt is the love of your life? I don't get it! What do you want to tell me? Which person? Is it Lynn? Have I worn that shirt when I was together with Lynn? _Jesus, Danny, please!_ " Steve's hands are trembling slightly.

"It's you, Steve, you idiot. It has always been you. _You_ are the love of my life. The moment I saw you for the first time you stole my heart. I gave it to you for safekeeping, and you still hold it in your hands, and I don't want to have it back. Ever. It's yours, I'm yours...forever. I know that by now." Danny blinks his tears back and with a watery smile he continues, "I was so sure I could do this without crying and acting like a pussy because I know you don't like emotional drama. So, I'm sorry....sorry for...you know, being a pussy." Danny clears his throat and sits up straight.

It was out, the big words were out. Steve is awfully quiet. Danny assumes he's in shock because he can't even hear him breathe. Danny doesn't dare to cast him a look. He doesn't find the courage to look at him only to witness the rejection on Steve's face. 

"I know it's not mutual. And I’m not confessing my love for you just to hear that you love me back. I know you love me, Steve, but I also know you don't love me the way I love you. But I can't lie anymore. When I saw your shirt this morning, this epiphany just hit me like the proverbial brick to the face." Danny's voice died and he has to hold on for some seconds because the feelings are about to take him down.

It's silent in the room. Danny hears nothing, and he and Steve are motionless as if paralyzed from the confession and the weight of Danny's words. But he feels at ease now. He almost flinches when Steve's raspy voice cut through the quiet.

"The shirt...why...what? Why the shirt?" Steve's croaked words are thick with emotions, but Danny can't read between the lines.

"Your shirt was like a symbol for all the things I want to do for you. First of all, it made me admit that I love you, and I’m talking about the kind of love where I want to kiss you, to hold you, and to have the right to be the first person you call to tell that you're okay. It's the same kind of love that makes me want to be the center of the world for you. I want to do sweet little daily things for you like writing notes, wishing you a great day, telling you that I miss you... Washing your shirt was the key for me to realize what I had successfully hidden for so long. You are, and always will be, the love of my life no matter how this ends here today. You are it for me, Steve. I love you. And I'm sorry that I always acted so angry and pissed, but that was the only way to stay sane spending every day so close to you." Danny's words end again in a whisper. He presses his lips together and caresses the shirt once more. "I washed it for you." He finally hands it over to Steve. 

The tears run silently down Danny's cheeks. This feels almost like a goodbye, giving Steve his shirt back. But Danny knows that it will end that way. He's finished his speech, and all is said and done. Now, if Steve's willing to grab a beer or a bite to eat, Danny is convinced he can do that.

He pushes himself up from the bed, and for the first time, he dares to look at Steve, but he can't see much, because Steve holds his head down. Danny only sees how he keeps his fingers intertwined in a hard knot, turning his knuckles white. Steve's shirt rests untouched next to his thigh.

"Steve, take your time. I know it might be a shock to hear all this, and I really don't know how to go on from here because my soul craves for you, and it hurts. I would love to touch you everywhere. I want to hug you and kiss you. I want to sleep with you. I want to call you 'mine'." Danny pauses for a single moment. This is so hard, and he already feels a part of his soul dying, but that's the price he is willing to pay to admit his love in front of Steve. He watches Steve's posture carefully. "So please, give me time to think about how we're going to do it. I guess, we can find a solution, but I can't see you every day and act as if nothing is different." Danny hesitates to touch Steve. Normally, it's no big deal to squeeze his shoulder or his neck. But not anymore. The world doesn't spin in the same rhythm as did half an hour ago.

Danny is about to turn and to leave the bedroom to give Steve some space, but Steve leaps forward and grabs ahold of Danny's arm. He doesn't speak a word and he also doesn't look up, but Danny can feel how churned up Steve must feel, because his grip is neither firm nor confident. His palm is clammy, and his fingers can't hug Danny's wrist without revealing how much they’re shaking. It's a soft tremor, but Steve can't keep them still. He wanders up and down, tightens his grip and loosens it again, and he tugs pleadingly at Danny's arm.

Danny turns back to Steve unable to resist his begging. Danny doesn't think. He feels dizzy and out of control to calm his racing heart. Steve urges him back until Danny stands in front of Steve's legs. Steve's touch electrifies him. Danny feels sick to the stomach, but Steve only guides him closer between his legs. Danny dares to lay his hands on Steve's shoulders because Steve is gripping his thighs with both hands now, running them carefully up and down, and pulling him even closer into his spread thighs until Danny is close enough that Steve buries his face in Danny's abs. Danny closes his eyes and swallows against the huge lump in his throat. He's moments away from breaking out in tears. In a reflex, he hugs Steve's neck, pressing his face into his stomach, and melted against Steve’s hot breath fanning across his body.

"Steve, - my love, my babe." Danny softly kisses Steve's buzz cut. His short hair feels soft under Danny's lips, and his head is warm and smells comforting. He lets Steve take the lead. Steve maneuvers him until Danny finds himself straddling Steve's thighs in a comfortable kneeling position. Steve urges him forward until he is holding him so close that it feels like Steve’s arms are tentacles wrapping around Danny's waist. With a shuddery exhale, Steve presses his face against Danny's neck and leans further in, bending Danny backward in the process of the motion, until their hips are aligned. Steve's embrace is painful but welcomed, and it's fierce and almost desperate. Danny knows that Steve was trying to pour all his unspoken words into this one hug, and Danny has his own difficulties wrapping his mind around what's happening right now.

It can't be, can it?

"What are you trying to tell me, big guy, huh?" Danny's hands are bolder, and he runs them over Steve's broad back and high up to his neck. He hugs Steve's head with both hands, leaning his cheek against Steve's temple. Danny's whole body is shaking because if Steve wants to tell him that he loves him just the same, he's going to break down.

After what seems an eternity without words, but with touching and exchanging messages, Steve dares to pull his head back. He allows Danny’s gaze to roam over his open and honest expression. Danny doesn't know how to handle all the raw feelings Steve allows him to see. He looks so vulnerable, almost as if he offers his beating, bloody heart on his palms as the biggest present he has to give.

And Danny takes it with so much care, telling him with his eyes that Steve will always be safe and loved throughout all the years they are going to spend together.

"I love you so damn much, Danny. I...I didn't think you would ever love me back the same way, you know?" The corner of his mouth contorts and his lips tremble with the force of keeping his face steady. Steve's eyes are red-rimmed, but he doesn't hide how messed up he feels. "All those fucking years....I've loved you so damn much. I never expected to..." Steve's voice breaks and he stops talking.

"What are you saying, Steve-Baby?" Danny cups Steve's cheeks between his shaky hands.

"I love you the same way, Danny. You are the one for me. I'm still afraid I will wake up only to realize everything was just a dream." Steve tries to smile but fails. He calms himself by inhaling before he closes his eyes.

Danny leans in and presses his lips gently, but firmly, onto Steve's dry mouth. He feels the tension there but keeps moving tenderly until Steve responds. His strong hands shove Danny's hips forward to plaster him against his groin as he answers Danny's kiss with his own.

It takes them a few seconds to change from being utterly overwhelmed to the state of arousal and pent-up desire, this hidden passion for each other, kicks in, but eight years as friends are not brushed aside easily. Both feel a little bit shy in the beginning. Their kiss turns from timid and seeking, to passionate, and then to a heated making out. Danny moans into Steve's mouth when their tongues meet for the first time. Danny can't control his hips which start to circle in Steve's lap the moment Steve starts to suck at Danny's tongue.

Danny tugs at Steve's shirt to lift it so he can get his hands beneath it. He needs to touch Steve's skin. They kiss with fire, and Danny can't get enough of Steve's taste, and the way his tongue sweeps deep into his mouth. Danny is so occupied licking at Steve's lips and feeling their tongues sliding in and out of their hungry mouths, that he doesn't realize that Steve's unbuttoning his shirt. Steve pulls the hem of his shirt out from his pants, and he kisses Danny several more times before he abandons his lips to watch the parted shirt that exposes Danny's naked chest beneath.

"You're so beautiful, Danny. You always drove me crazy with your tight shirt that showed off your toned chest. You gave me a fucking boner every time." Steve let his gaze wander over Danny's front while Danny happily smiles down, watching Steve's beloved face.

"It's all yours now." He whispers roughly, pressing his hips a little bit closer to Steve's visible bulge. Danny feels drunk by all the hissing sounds and moans his movements draw from Steve's mouth.

Steve parts Danny's shirt with a gentle touch to reveal his sexy chest and his hard nipples. Steve leans in and closes his lips around one of Danny's hard nubs. With the flat of his tongue, he gently licks at Danny's sensitive nipple, and sucks and plays with the hard tip. Danny almost collapses in Steve's lap. The sensation of Steve's lips around his nipple is hardly bearable. Steve's fingers find their way to Danny's other puckered sensitive skin, rubbing the hard nub gently between his fingers. Danny jerks uncontrollably and pushes his hips forward to rub along Steve's hard-on, riding his cock through his pants.

Both men breathe harshly. Danny kisses Steve's face and his head wherever his lips reach the skin. His arms are firmly wrapped around Steve's upper body and at one point Danny cups Steve's back of the head to hold him in place and to press his mouth to his nipple where Steve sucks and licks with pleasure.

Danny feels Steve skilled hands between their bodies. He's in a haze of lust, and he doesn't protest when Steve starts to unbuckle his pants and unzip the flap. Danny can't wait until Steve grabs his hard dick with his hand. It takes a few minutes to maneuver his pants out of the way, but Steve is determined to reach his goal of revealing Danny's hard cock. Danny collapses with a groan against Steve as he starts to stroke him with a firm, steady pressure, cupping Danny's glans with every other stroke, and smearing the precum over his head. Steve lets go of Danny's nipple and turns his head to search for Danny's mouth.

"Kiss me, Babe, kiss me. I've waited years to do this. I can't get enough of you. Kiss me deeply." Steve begs with a dark voice. And Danny obliges without thinking.

With a nervous move, Danny scoots back in Steve's lap to have access to his front. With both hands, he quickly opens Steve's pants, and tugs and tears at the fabric of his pants and briefs until he frees Steve's hard, leaking cock.

They kiss feverishly, sloppy and with ragged breath, panting into each other's mouths while their hands work their cocks. It doesn't take long, and Danny sags against Steve's shoulder, burying his head in the crook of his neck while he comes all over Steve's shirt and fly. "I love you, Steve, I love you so much. Oh my god, Babe, oh jeez..." Danny mumbles the words into Steve's neck without stopping his strokes on Steve's hard shaft, until he climaxes, too.

"Danny, my love, my everything....oh God, I'm coming, don't stop, stay right there....oh God, yeah...just..." Steve comes with a growl. His whole body reacts to his orgasm, and Danny feels his spunk running over his hand, warm and slick. He rides him through the aftermath of his bliss, working his dick, and stroking it until Steve stops him with a gentle grip around his fingers. "Stop for a sec, Danny. Give me a moment."

Steve’s lips search for Danny's mouth to melt into a tender, deep kiss. Danny pulls his head back, and watches Steve closely, roaming his eyes over Steve's face. 

"Just to be really clear, Babe. I confessed my deep love for you. You are my one and only, the love of my life. And you feel just the same about me?" Danny knows that he sounds unsure, and his words carry so much hope it's almost pathetic.

Steve doesn't care about smeary jizz on his fingers. He takes Danny's face between his hands and kisses him soft and sweet on his lips without taking his eyes off his face. "Yes, that's exactly the way I feel. I’ve been in love with you from the moment I saw you, and I never stopped loving you. I took what you gave me because I didn't know how to express what I was feeling for you. I'm so happy I changed my shirt today at the office." Steve smiles adorably. "I love you so damn much, Danny, and to know that this love is mutual...it's a little bit too much to digest," Steve whispers with watery eyes.

"I'm just as overwhelmed as you are. I don't know what I would have done when I thought you wouldn't love me back." Danny's heart crumples again, thinking of this terrible possibility.

"Shh, Babe, shh, I'm here, right by your side. We love each other, and we weren't dumb enough to grow old and grumpy until we were able to confess our love. We still have years to come where we can enjoy all that we crave." Steve kisses Danny again, holding him close, and comforting him with his lips and his love. Danny leans into Steve's warm and safe touch.

"Come on, Babe, let's get undressed and let's crawl under the blankets. I need to rest after this emotional peak. I'm exhausted. I don't want to get cleaned up, I only want to hold you tight." Danny slowly stands up and detangles his body from Steve's hug.

Steve smiles at him, and mimics his actions until their clothes are heaps next to the bed, including the one special shirt from Steve, and both are naked and wiggle their way under the light blanket. Danny orders Steve around until he can rest his head on Steve's strong shoulder. Steve hugs him with one arm, pressing him firmly to his chest. Danny can feel Steve repeatedly kiss the top of his head. His own hand travels over Steve's pecs, and one of his legs drape over Steve's hip where Steve caresses Danny's knee with his fingertips.

Danny closes his eyes when Steve's words rumble in his ear. "I love you, Babe. I guess we won't make it out of this bed until tomorrow morning. But when I wake up, I have so much catch up to do. Now that I can have your body, I need to devour it." Steve chuckles but his words are already slurred with sleep.

"I'm all yours, Babe. Sleep now." Danny kisses Steve tenderly, tasting with his tongue the scent of his man. 

"And Danny?" Steve's hoarse voice pets Danny's soul.

"I'm yours. I've always been yours, then and now and forever. I'm yours." Steve snuggles closer, pulling Danny into his body.

"And I'm yours, Babe, just the same. My heart will always belong to you, now and forever. I love you, Babe."

With a content and happy sigh, Danny drifts off, falling into sleep, safely wrapped in Steve's arms. His last shred of a clear thought that runs through his mind before sleep takes him is about Steve's shirt. This is the first piece of clothing that will find a rightful place in his closet because Steve will need clothes to change into whenever he stays overnight. Danny is sure this is going to happen very often until he and the kids can move in with Steve. He has always loved Steve's house, and he knows how much Steve loves to have Danny and his kids finally under his roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The credit for this perfect pet name "an angry cupcake" goes to HawaiiThunder. Thanks again my friend for this sweet moment, that I could lend from you. I fell in love with this name you gave Danny in one of my comments and it fitted perfectly into this story. Mahalo and hugs!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I always love to know what you think. If you would like, drop me a line and let me know your thoughts. Each Kudo and every comment is highly appreciated. And I love also all the silent readers who swing by to enjoy my story. Thank you guys for your loyalty. Everyone who writes a comment gets welcomed as a sweet, new friend and each comment will be answered.
> 
> I'm cowandcalf on Tumblr too. Come and say 'hi'.


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